Words are Biting my Ass

Do I like cranking the tunes while alone in the car?  Oh yes.  However I usually don't do it for long.  I never have.  At concerts I was the dork with the ear plugs.  While attending a Sheryl Crow concert she told the audience we could move into the space between the front row and the stage which was great as that meant we were behind the speakers and could hear one another afterwards.  My ears may have been oversensitive then, I know they are now.  The reason I gave for not exposing my ears to loud music for long periods of time was wanting to be able to hear my future children.  Do I love listening to their giggles, first words, and learning how to read?  Very much so.  With all the wonderfulness comes some crap.  Screeching and yelling are killing my ears.   While the noise is horrible and hurts the ears I'm also dealing with some other things that make the noise pretty much unbearable.  With the kiddos having to be dairy free my calcium level has decreased.  I have to take a crap-ton (my fancy medical term for about 3 times the RDA) of calcium every day.  When my calcium level is low most noise, but especially loud noise, is absolutely intolerable.  My youngest is a screecher.  Love the little guy but maybe a big tub of ear plugs would be a good idea while we work through this stage (and for the sibling fights, and for the loud music of the teenage years).

The end of summer

While I enjoy autumn a lot I'm not quite ready to let summer go this year.  Maybe because my baby will be one soon.  Maybe because it's so easy to take the kids to the nearby park so my girl can wear herself out and take a nap.  Maybe it's because we've had somewhat of a routine since baby boy came along.  Wake up, shower, dress, eat, swim lessons, home, nurse/nap baby, go to the park for lunch, home, read to kiddos, nap time, fix dinner, eat, relax/play/tv, read, bedtime for kiddos, and finish my work for the day.  

While I've enjoyed watching the kiddos have fun this summer it's not even been the easiest summer.  Baby boy had lots of separation anxiety while staying with my mom for a weekend.  Relatives have had health challenges.  We had to say goodbye to a much loved cousin on my husband's side of the family. 

I just have to remember all the good that comes with the changes.  It won't be so hot during the middle of the day so we'll be able to take more walks, the leaves changing colors, the a/c won't turn on so much (any day the a/c and heat don't run is a great day), able to bake/cook more without worrying about heating up the house, pumpkins, baby boy will be walking more and more, and going to visit family.   

Struggle

For 19 of the 22 months kiddo nursed I did not consume dairy.  While I missed cheese and ice cream the most, having a baby not in distress from tummy pains outweighed the yummy goodness.  After she weaned I ate cheese and ice cream again but not as much as I did prior to figuring out her allergy.  It's just easier to cook a meal that we can all enjoy than to continually make different meals for her.  While pregnant with little guy I didn't have too many cravings and often wasn't hungry.  My cravings with kiddo had me eating a lot of ice cream, cheese, and cold cereal with milk.  Since little guy was born right before flu season we stayed home a lot during the winter and also didn't go out too often for walks due to the cold and snow.  When little guy was three weeks old I once again cut all dairy out of my diet. 

All of this brought me to being very a very unwell person.  I was calcium and vitamin D deficient.  Having low calcium is not very much fun as I experience numbness in my face and hands.  I don't know if it was the lack of calcium or vitamin D but I also started to experience depression.  I was very moody and yelled at kiddo a lot.  Most of the noises she made irritated me greatly and I didn't want to be around her much.  Hubby also took a bunch of crap from me.  Anything and everything made me cry.  

Since increasing my calcium and starting a vitamin D program I've felt so much better.  We've also been enjoying the nice spring weather to make sure we all get lots of natural vitamin D.  Kiddo is much happier too as she gets to explore on the walks we go on and blow and chase bubbles.  Little guy loves to just take it all in as he learns about the world around him. 

While I'm not proud of the struggle I went through, especially the discomfort I caused my family, I am glad I'm on the path on getting healthier.  I now know what to watch for so I don't sink as far down as I did.  

My morning

  So I woke up and while nursing little guy checked Facebook.  I wanted to see how a friend was doing.  Imagine my surprise when I see a post attacking me from a barber shop.  The barber shop took one of my Facebook profile pictures (thankfully they cropped out my child) and called me fat.  They were upset because they assumed I had never used their services yet I rated them one-star.  I take responsibility for that rating.  It took place several months ago.  I believe I clicked on their Facebook profile and checked their reviews.  I accidentally clicked on the star rating system (hazards of using a phone to check Facebook) and entered a rating.  I didn't find a way to delete or change my rating so I left it (I was able to delete it today).  They're right--I've never used their services and they're not even nearby.  They are however in a town I visit a few times a year.  

  While I will most likely never use their services I hope they can learn a bit about working with the public, especially if they hope to be a long-term successful business in the small town in which they're located.  My first reaction was to be very snarky, especially since I know I'm fat.  My next reaction was a wee bit of depression.  Am I bummed I weigh more than is healthy?  Yep.  Then anger found its way into the picture.  Angry at them?  Hell yes.  Angry at myself?  Yep, for not taking care of myself as well as I should.

  There are a few things the person who labeled me as fat could learn.  Asking questions would have gotten them much further than trying to humiliate me.  Asking why I rated them so low would have had me explaining what happened, as well as looking to see if there was a way to remove my error along with an apology.  It probably would have also motivated me to suggest them to people I know who live in the area or even to hubby during a future visit.  Finding solutions to issues will probably get you further than publicly attacking someone.

   Here are a few things they don't know about me.  The picture you copied from my Facebook and then wrote fat on is very special to me.  It was taken on Mother's Day with my daughter and I was four and a half months pregnant. I'm not the happiest about my body.  Currently I'm frustrated with my health.  You see, I have thyroid issues.  After having little guy my thyroid levels went way up so my meds have been drastically reduced.  While waiting for my next blood draw I already know my levels are too low now as my feet hurt, I'm cold, I'm cranky, I have terrible heartburn, feel generally miserable, and I gain weight even if I eat the same as I always do and exercise the same.  Yep, it's a bitch dealing with thyroid issues.  Even with all of this I'm glad my body has been able to bring two healthy children into this world as well as nourish them.  Even though I was harsh on my knees playing tennis my freshman year of high school and several years of snow skiing, they still work and I can go for walks with my kiddos and chase after them.  My little guy looks at me with eyes that exude love.  Yesterday my girl slipped while exiting the tub and hit her chin.  Today she asked me to help her get out.  She doesn't care that I have some flab on my arms.  I'm grateful my arms are strong enough to lift her and hold her safely.  And that's what it's all about, my two incredibly wonderful children as I work to raise them to be caring, responsible adults who try not to judge or hurt others.

   

Wow, the middle of February is here.  Have enjoyed the snow this year.  It doesn't stay too long and maybe that's why it always seems magical.

We're pretty much back to being totally dairy free (little guy and I are 100% dairy free).  Kiddo  had been eating regular dairy Greek yogurt every morning for a few weeks but she was getting some stinky toots and eczema.  I figure she's having some inflammation in her gut with those types of issue even though she never complained of tummy pains.  I feel bad because she really liked the yogurt.  At the grocery store we most often visit, the only alternative is soy yogurt which I try not to give her much soy.  I feel so granola these days for all the stuff I try to avoid.  For the time being I'm going to continue to educate kiddo about her allergy but I'm so very thankful that the reaction for both kids is not anaphylaxis.  A lot of people think the kids are just lactose intolerant as they don't understand that a dairy allergy can have other symptoms. I try to explain that lactose intolerance is due to not being able to properly break down the sugar in milk and if the kids had it, they wouldn't be able to (or have been able to) breast feed and that it is very very rare in infants.  For the dairy allergy, the protein in the cow's milk causes severe stomach/intestinal problems (gas, gas pains, diarrhea, mucous in the stool, and blood in the stool) that can take several weeks to resolve.  

In November I was feeling either incredibly brave or incredibly foolish as I booked tickets for the kids and I to fly to visit my family in December.  The trip was good and we all had fun.  Very glad the flight is a direct flight and only about an hour long.  Amazed at how grown up kiddo looked as she sat across the aisle from me and happily enjoyed her snack.

Enjoyed Christmas at home this year.  Missed being with my mom's side of the family like crazy but enjoyed watching kiddo take in the wonder of the season.

I feel like I've turned into "that mom" this winter.  I've turned into quite the germaphobe.  Little guy won't be old enough for the flu shot until the flu season is mostly over so we've been washing our hands like crazy and avoiding public places.  Kiddo gets cabin fever like any young child would.  I also fear getting Norovirus.  I've had it twice in the last few years (first time I was still breast feeding kiddo and I think that helped her stay well while she also suffered the second time I had it).  With the flu I just monitor local activity but if I hear of an outbreak of Norovirus across the country I can feel my anxiety level increase. 

As we celebrated the New Year we enjoyed the sparkling cider the hospital gave us when little guy was born.  Hubby and I looked at our little guy with awe and wonder as we are certain he was conceived on New Years Day 2013.  Thirteen is my lucky number and 2013 brought much better things to us. 

Hubby really enjoyed the Super Bowl as he's been a life long Seahawks fan.  We of course ate too much yummy food including a recipe I found for "cheeze" sauce made from cashews.  I hadn't tried any cheese substitutes when being dairy free with kiddo but decided to try this as I know it could be another year and a half or more before I get cheese again.  It tasted like the stuff you see in jar in the chip aisle.  Hubby even thought it was good.  I think I'll try some other "cheeze" recipes.  

While I do enjoy the snow I'm ready for warmer weather as I don't like telling kiddo no to going out in the snow as I don't want to take little guy out in it.  I know kiddo would love visiting the park.  Plus, warm weather decreases the threat of flu and Norovirus usually.  

Here's my review of the hazel wood necklace.  I don't think it has really helped.  It is very cute on my little guy though so I keep it on him.  He was having some more reflux symptoms recently so I looked at the dosing instructions again and adjusted his dose since he weighs more.  So glad he likes to eat since he was so little when he was born.

The last few days have been rough.  We went to Hubby's relatives for Thanksgiving and something I ate must of had dairy milk in it as little guy has been having lots of symptoms. Frustrated at myself for next checking more carefully.  I decided to go ahead and let my 3.5 year old kiddo try dairy milk food and so far she's been feeling great.  Not pushing things as she's not had a glass of milk or bowl of ice cream yet.  Crossing my fingers that little guy will follow a similar path.

The Christmas tree is up but I don't think lights will be up outside this year.  Its been too chilly this last week and I'd much rather hold little guy.

Sleeping on a plane

I've slept on planes in the past.  I didn't think my little guy would be sleeping on one at a month old but he is, just not the type that takes you any where.  He needs to sleep on an incline plane, meaning his head is higher than his body.  Luckily it's not been that hard to do since I co-sleep and his head lays on my arm, near my shoulder.  He's developed silent reflux so laying like that helps keep the reflux from happening as often or from going as far up as it could if he was laying flat.  I feel so bad for the little guy.  He doesn't know why he feels miserable sometimes and why I give him medicine that doesn't taste all that great.  I'm grateful to live in this day and age though where we can find out so much by just completing a quick search on the internet. I was able to make his medicine, find dosing information for pain relief, and even ordered a necklace made out of hazel wood that could help (I'll post a review after we receive it and use it for a while).  He's feeling better but still has some reflux.  At least the crying has been reduced greatly and the majority of the crying now isn't the kind where he's clearly in pain.  

I don't know how my aunt did it with her youngest, who's now in his early twenties.  I can remember holding him a lot when he was an infant as he just wanted to be held all the time.  The meds that are commonly prescribed now weren't available then so there wasn't too much he could be given.  I know there were lots of late-night car rides, which couldn't have been easy with two other kiddos.  

I know little guy will get better with time as his body grows and that's what helps me get through the tough times now.  Looking forward to seeing him smile more and more.